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This morning, I took my last dose of chemo for this round. I am quite happy today, and to tell you the truth, proud, to have made it through this first round day by day. Every day I got a little more fatigued, a little more queasy, and a little more nauseated. Last night I had no appetite to eat dinner at all and forced down a bowl of soup. My goal has been simple every day: Eat. Rest and conserve energy. Stay inside. Work from home. Get through the day.
It is quite an odd feeling to force myself to take pills that I know are causing me to feel lousy. One part of my brain says “take it – it’s for your good.” Another part says, “don’t take that – you know how you felt last time you took it.” And still another says, “if you keep getting worse with these pills, where are you going to end up?” In each case for the past fourteen days, the “first part” of my brain succeeded. And now my body gets a rest. Typically, the rest would be for one week, but in this case, because of the procedure on the 29th, I will get a two week rest.
I am most grateful that I did not have the serious side effects that would have forced me to stop taking the chemo. On Saturday, I did begin developing mouth and throat sores. I called my doctor and he said that if it got worse by the next day, I should call him back and I would temporarily have to stop the chemo. I thought to myself, if the sores were caused by the chemo, and if I continually take the chemo, then how could the sores possibly do anything but get worse? So I rinsed with a warm water solution of salt and baking soda, as he suggested, and I prayed. Remarkably, they were better on Sunday and gone by Monday. I must admit I was very surprised. But also thankful.