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It has been a while since I have written. I have been fighting a cold of some sort, and now Christine has caught it. The chemotherapy is tolerable although the "yuck" symptoms are beginning to occur. I am able to do some normal things, albeit with limited strength and as long as I take lots of naps. I can definitely do this for a few more months. It is good to think that this may be all I have to endure of this treatment.
I must tell you about my first bicycle ride after nearly a year. A couple of weeks ago, I got a strong urge to ride my bicycle. This was odd, for it was about 40 degrees and drizzling outside. Nevertheless, I had an unexpected burst of adrenaline that demanded to get back on that bike.
I pumped the tires back up - they had gone completely flat. I wondered if all the requisite parts of my body would coordinate properly to ride. As I left the garage and got as far as the next door neighbor's driveway, I came to my senses and marveled at my own stupidity. Had I forgotten that I was on chemotherapy? Had it slipped my mind that my abdominal wall was sliced several directions and filled with scar tissue? The rain was so cold as it hit my face. I turned around, wondering what ill-conceived idea had gotten into my head. But as suddenly as I turned around, the urge to press on returned and I turned around once more. I'm going to ride this bike no matter what, I resolved. This brand new liver needed a test-drive.
My leg began burning - the kind of feeling that I would not have experienced in the past until after miles of cycling. I pressed against the wind and rain for about a half-block when an unexpected joy came over me. I could not stop thinking about how two months earlier I was lying in ICU in great pain wondering how I could muster the strength to exist through each creeping minute ahead of me. How far I had come! I rejoiced as I pedaled. How far I had come! My life had hung on edge just months ago and here I was riding my bicycle in ridiculous conditions. I laughed to myself. I thanked my Creator. "Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy." I continued to press on. Am I free from disease, or am I in a break during a losing battle? At this moment, who cares? I'm riding my bike in the rain! How odd it was that this could be an enjoyable experience. In all, the trip lasted a block. But it was indeed my most enjoyable bike ride. The rain on my face was exhilarating. Am I mad? I came back wet and freezing, but in a great mood.
Joy, it seems, sometimes depends upon which side of suffering we live.
Posted by Greg at March 02, 2004 02:05 AM | Comments (11)